As always I have quite a few projects taking up space in my mind, currently the one taking up the most space is a new project dubbed “City Darlings” which is about a group of 20-somethings. Originally it was supposed to be set in the US but then Laura prodded me into at least considering having it set in Norway instead. So I am, considering that is, although it seems fairly likely the more I think about it.

The fun bit is also that I get to use Norwegian names, don’t get me wrong, English names (or, rather, names not commonly seen/used in Norway) are all sorts of wonderful and I’m a bit put-out as to what I’ll do about “Sadie” and “Katie” and so forth because while I can get away with them, I know what sort of things I’d have to change in their backgrounds to make it work and it just wouldn’t make them the same characters anymore (well, Katie could still be Katie).

It also means a slightly less major headache since I’m actually familiar around these parts, and not just in Oslo either, I can have them travel around and not end up studying maps for several hours to figure out if they’d see so-and-so mountain while traveling by train (and besides, in Norway chances are pretty slim you’ll manage to travel through it without ever seeing even one mountain, heck, it’s close to impossible).

Obviously though, this isn’t my only project, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t have at least one other taking up space in my brain. In this case though it’s not so much a plot as a character, a character I can deeply relate to which is why I’m hesitant to write her (not because we’ve experienced the same things but because I fear she might show a little too much about how I feel about certain things even without me ever mentioning the things in particular).

That project is more fantasy related though, kind of dystopic but I’m wondering if it won’t be a bit like sci-fi dystopia meets slight touch of fantasy or something, we’ll see once I start actually doing some worldbuilding and such.

However most of the worldbuilding and renaming of characters will have to wait a few days as I’m sick and my head feels a lot like cotton (or at least how I imagine it to be a cotton-head) so I’m just going to attempt to go back to sleep (for the 1379th time!) and see how I feel tomorrow.

… As well as the end of some old things, like the old layout this blog used to have, and its name, I figured it was time for a change, especially if I wanted to use this blog to write about more writing related topics. The new layout feels great too, all new and shiny and making me all wriggly and happy on the inside, that’s pretty good, isn’t it?

The “new” thing of 2009 would have to be the fact that I’ve really sat down with myself and gone through why I write and what I want to do with it. Do I want to write simply for my own eyes? Do I want to write to show it to others? Do I want to write at all or is it a long-time habit I’ve had difficulties quitting?

It’s not really the latter, if it was, this blog wouldn’t be here, but the questions are all very valid, for all sorts of reasons.

The subtitle of this blog actually relates to my writing in many, many ways. You see, I haven’t been writing properly, seriously, for several years. Around five if you want a general idea of how long it’s been since I’ve sat down and written with a purpose even if the purpose wasn’t much more than to get my character from place A to place B. And I notice that it’s changed the way I think about writing and the way I feel about it, before I did it because I could, because it was easy enough and a way to spend my time. It still is, but I also do it because I want to and because I want to tell their tales, by which I mean my character’s tales. I want to put emotions into my works again, not just so I am attached to the work, but also to help make it something more than just writing. To use my own emotions to make something that’s sad, actually and truly sad, and to make something that’s painful, truly painful.

More than anything this is a healing process for me, a healing process I should have started 4 1/2 years ago, a process of moving on and continuing life, something which I haven’t allowed myself to do (for all sorts of reasons), I’ve known I’ve been doing it for awhile, but I’m finally going to move on. Not without pain, grief and heartache, that will always be there I suspect, but also with the knowledge that frankly – I’ve been through hell as far as I’m concerned, and I’m really sick and tired of not using my full potential and making excuses. I know how smart I am, I know how nice I am and I know I’m strong enough to get through anything.

You want to know what brought on this revelation? The words of a 10-year-old boy while he talked about losing his dog. Yeah, that’s pretty pathetic in some ways that it took a 10-year-old to make me, a 19-year-old, realise something that should have been obvious many years ago. Mostly I’m just very grateful I got to hear those words, because I know in my heart that mum would’ve wanted me to do my best and keep going. I’m still not there, but I guess you can say I’m finally ready to say goodbye and start walking up that friggin’ tall mountain that is commonly referred to as “life”.

Did I mention I’m really not that fond of hiking?